Note: If you don't understand this, ask someone who is jewish...

In honor of the Jewish Holiday of Passover, which begins Friday night at Sundown, we bring you todays jokes on Jewish Holiday practices.

• Rosh Hashanah -- Feast
• Tzom Gedalia -- Fast
• Yom Kippur -- More fasting
• Sukkot -- Feast
• Hoshanah Rabbah -- More feasting
• Simchat Torah -- Keep feasting
• Month of Heshvan -- No feasts or fasts for a whole month. Get a grip on yourself.
• Hanukkah -- Eat potato pancakes
• Tenth of Tevet -- Do not eat potato pancakes
• Tu B'Shevat -- Feast
• Fast of Esther -- Fast
• Purim -- Eat pastry
• Passover -- Do not eat pastry
• Shavuot -- Dairy feast (cheesecake, blintzes etc.)
• Seventeenth of Tammuz -- Fast (definitely no cheesecake or blintzes)
• Nine days of Av -- Don't eat meat. Might be OK to eat cheescake or blintzes.
• Tish B'Av -- Very strict fast (don't even think about cheesecake or blintzes)
• Month of Elul -- End of cycle. Enroll in Center for Eating Disorders before High Holidays arrive again.