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Jewish Holidays Explained
Note: If you don't understand this, ask someone who is jewish...
The Yo-Yo Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays
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In honor of the Jewish Holiday of Passover, which begins Friday night at Sundown, we bring you todays jokes on Jewish Holiday practices.
- Rosh Hashanah -- Feast
- Tzom Gedalia -- Fast
- Yom Kippur -- More fasting
- Sukkot -- Feast
- Hoshanah Rabbah -- More feasting
- Simchat Torah -- Keep feasting
- Month of Heshvan -- No feasts or fasts for a whole month. Get a grip on yourself.
- Hanukkah -- Eat potato pancakes
- Tenth of Tevet -- Do not eat potato pancakes
- Tu B'Shevat -- Feast
- Fast of Esther -- Fast
- Purim -- Eat pastry
- Passover -- Do not eat pastry
- Shavuot -- Dairy feast (cheesecake, blintzes etc.)
- Seventeenth of Tammuz -- Fast (definitely no cheesecake or blintzes)
- Nine days of Av -- Don't eat meat. Might be OK to eat cheescake or blintzes.
- Tish B'Av -- Very strict fast (don't even think about cheesecake or blintzes)
- Month of Elul -- End of cycle. Enroll in Center for Eating Disorders before High Holidays arrive again.