USA History
JOKES
A COWBOY'S GUIDE TO LIFE
A COWBOY'S GUIDE TO LIFE
Written by Texas Bix Bender
- Never kick a fresh road apple on a hot day.
- Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so
important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
- Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
- Always drink upstream from the herd.
- After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The
moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
- If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
- It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
- Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.
- If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try ordering
somebody else's dog around.
- Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is
probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
- Good judgement comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad
judgement.
- Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
- If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it's still there.
- When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be
suprised if they learn the lesson.
- When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown
around by somebody else.
- Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.